My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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She gazes deep into her beloved’s eyes. “You complete me.”

Music swells.

End credits roll.

It’s the stuff of movies but please don’t let this sentiment creep into real life.

There is one truth in this movie line though – every person is born with a missing piece.

No matter how wonderful your spouse is they can never fill the empty place in your heart. Asking another human being to occupy that place is a scenario destined for failure. It’s like repairing the foundation of a skyscraper with piles of hay and stubble. You may get it to last for a short time but in the end the relationship between the steel and stubble will breakdown, resulting in a horrific collapse.  The lack we feel in our hearts is designed singularly for our Creator God to fill.

Turning to panaceas like food, sex (real or fantasy), drugs, alcohol, etc., that promise to heal the ache deep within serve only to enslave us to our lusts. Only the Presence of Jehovah Jireh, our Provider satisfies to overflowing. Trust the Love of God to impart peace, joy and contentment that truly satisfies.

A godly marriage is committing a lifetime to loving and serving the other exclusively while we grow in our love and service to our Savior.
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Colossians 2:10 “And in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority.”

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, time loses all perspective and I find myself 36 years older but not knowing how I got there. A shift in the Earth’s rotation could be to blame……

Just as quickly I am transported to a time when my energy never waned nor my idealistic love for my beloved. Time hadn’t accumulated enough disappointments or frustrations to shadow over our joy together.

A day did come when I would no longer be married to the perfect guy. He was, after all, human. And like all human beings subject to our common sinful nature, he would inevitably manifest flaws I hadn’t previously noticed before. The same held true for me.

Though I’d sometimes figure that if I knew then what I do right now, less mistakes would have been made. Less hurts would have been inflicted. Less damage would have been done. More love and understanding would have governed my thoughts and formulated my reactions.

What would I say to my younger self about this holy union called marriage?
Thank God for each and every moment of the days He has blessed you with. In them live His grace and mercy to grow more like Jesus.
Were it not for the moments in life we would be crushed by the great work God needs to do in and through you.
In His great love He does what He pleases to draw you close to Him. The means used suits the need to be addressed.

Ultimately He wants to be your all in all, for all things.

Keep trusting Him.
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He is worthy.
 
Psalm 31:15a “My times are in Your hand”

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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I firmly believe that God ultimately wants us to be holy more than He wants us to be happy.
This is not exclusive to Sunday morning worship or Thursday evening Bible study. God’s desire is that we be sanctified, or set apart to be holy, in every aspect of life. Including marriage.

Especially in marriage.

What better place for us to learn and practice the calling of God in grace as we:
mature in our love toward each other,
improve our strength with abundant joy from God’s,
act as peacemakers with our spouse,
increase in patience while we nurse that last nerve our beloved keeps stepping on
discover innumerable ways to show kindness,
allow goodness to rule the day,
display faithfulness to our mate in public and in private,
maintain a gentleness that preserves each person’s right to be heard,
exercise a sacrificial self-control that puts the other’s needs before our own.
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We can do this when we remember that with God all things are possible and that a godly marriage is two sinners captured by grace, playing on the same team.
 
Gal 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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As I’ve mentioned before, David and I talked about EVERYTHING. What a blessing to have honest discussions about pretty much any topic you can imagine. I am so grateful to God that He gave me a hubby who is patient and intelligent. That doesn’t mean we didn’t have any disagreements or friendly debates, with the very rare shouting match thrown in.

As a matter of fact, we discovered that we could say the same thing and walk away with differing understandings about what was said. Case in point, when to have children. We agreed that it would be nice to have children after 2 ½ years. That would give us time to grow as a couple and prepare ourselves for the arrival of our baby. Sounds like a plan.

About 8-9 months after we were married I was feeling especially tired and had missed my period. I double-checked my calendar, counting the days, doing the math……. “OH.”

 (Cue the curious hubby)

“What’s going on?”

“Ah, nothing. Well, it looks like I may have miscalculated……” Sidebar: Do you know what they call first time users of natural birth control? Parents. Ha, ha.  Pretty much…….

“Are you saying that you’re pregnant?!”

“Could be,” I answered with a weak grin. “I’ll have to go to the doctor to make sure.”

David couldn’t contain his excitement as he hugged me and told me how much he loved me.

I, on the other hand, was still grappling with the implications of my previous miscalculation. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have children. When I was a kid I actually had chosen 12 names for my future offspring after reading Cheaper by the Dozen. I had shown this list to David BEFORE we were engaged. Yeah, I’m a nut.

No, my struggle came with getting a grip on not having my 2 and a half years with David, kid free.

David noticed my subdued response and asked me what I was thinking.

“It’s too soon. I thought we would start trying to have kids after the two and a half years. Now we won’t have the time we wanted, just the two of us.”

The hug tightened. “Sweetheart, we talked about it. I always thought that we would have our first child by the 2 ½ year point.”

There was nothing more to be done but to schedule a doctor’s appointment and get the confirmation that I knew was coming. I had to pray for God’s grace to make the most of our brief time left as a twosome so I could begin the next stage of motherhood joyfully.

Sometimes you write chapters of life in your head that last for pages and pages. But for all our plans we don’t really know what’s around the next bend in life’s road. For every adjustment and transition we find that God remains the same. He is good at every juncture in life.

He is our constant in the chaos.
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Whatever the day may bring, He is with us every step of the way.
 
Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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I often find myself yearning for the future to be with me right now and not allow it to unfold and blossom at its own pace. But there is a delightful savor to the process that’s lost when you pass over the middle and jump ahead to the end.

Although David and I got engaged after knowing each other for two months and then married after another 8, we were looking forward to making memories built with common experiences. We couldn’t wait until the time came when we knew each other longer than any other friends we knew.

Making memories doesn’t happen in great flourishes of spectacular events. You find them tucked away in the recesses of the daily moments that you spend together.

Sharing fun times.

Sharing problems.

Sharing deepest thoughts.

Sharing silly ideas.
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Sharing life, moment by moment.
 
Hebrews 13:16 And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.
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Genesis 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

Happy in the life I had chosen to live with my husband, I set out to discover just what it meant to be his helpmeet. Thanks to some wonderful books we had read during our engagement David and I talked through many aspects of married life like how we would handle our money, when we might start having children, and our roles as husband and wife.

Discussing potential problem areas before we had any issues helped us to consider an issue with a proactive rather than a reactive response. This is so important for all soon to be married couples to do.

However, it’s all theory until you get the first set of bills you have to pay as a married couple. That’s when the rubber meets the road.

We understood that marriage was not a fifty-fifty arrangement. What happens if one side weakens for some reason? You have a gap that has the potential to divorce the two sides. But if the pledge is to put forth a 100% effort on both sides there is a strength that undergirds each other in the most difficult of times, especially knowing that the Lord is your foundation and covering.

My desire was to walk alongside David in this new life of ours. He would be the greater among equals as the head of our home. We mutually submitted ourselves under Christ, out ultimate authority.

At times this arrangement looked a bit like running a three-legged race. Disagreements brought about a struggle to regain our pace and style as we’d stumbled over each other. The only way to get back on the right foot, as it were, was to pause and reestablish our commitment to each other and ask the Lord for forgiveness so we could begin again.

It doesn’t come easily for two to become one in a race or in a marriage. We’ve stepped on each other’s toes by accident and yes, even on purpose. Time out is called and we go to the One who judges us both and reminds us that we are on the same team.
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He wants us to be victorious over the sin that trips us up and cheers us on in our unified pursuit to the finish line.
 
Ephesians 4:3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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There are times in life when I wished the Lord had given me heads up about what was coming ‘round the bend. Then there are other times when I’m sure glad He didn’t. Seems I can’t ever be happy that way.

As David and I settled into his one bedroom efficiency apartment situated at the end of the office wing in the church he served, we made plans on where our next home would be. How much could we afford for the needs we had? What was required for the next step in preparing for ministry? Did we have a future in the Chicago suburbs, or did God have other plans?

We found out that if you want a straight answer from God it’s best to be honest about your questions. Give God your pledge to follow Him wholeheartedly and you will find Him wholly trustworthy. Our promise was that we would go (gulp) anywhere He called us, as long as He made it clear that He was leading.

So, on January 2, just 2 ½ months after getting married, we moved to a new place for both of us, south of St. Louis, MO, so David could begin his seminary training. Picture a rocket hurtling through the atmosphere, vanishing in the clouds.

We launched into the future, side by side, holding onto God and the vows we made in His Presence. If there was one thing I knew for sure about this new hubby of mine it was that he had his eyes on Jesus and wanted to serve Him in whatever way he could.

This would be the first in a series of 12 launches into the unknown for me and David. Whether it was for a secular job or for ministry, being new in town became a thing for me. We’ve lived coast to coast, covering 7 states. It’s been a sometimes tortuous, mostly awkward, and definitely stretching-my-comfort-zones kind of thing. I like to say that that our tag line is, “Get married. See the world!”

Here’s the overarching truth I’ve found - every new start prompted a new array of challenges with just as many new facets of God’s Grace for each one. There has never been a time when God hasn’t met me at every point of my need.
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If you are beginning again and wonder how you’re going to keep your sanity, ask Jesus for grace and wisdom. He delights to lavish His Grace on you.
 
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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About those dreams for the future I was talking about…….

Who can say how idealistic dreams may become reality? One can either force them to come true just the way one wants. Or, one can hold them loosely in one’s hands giving God the freedom to have the final say. What comes from HIS hand is always good and for our good, but it’s not always easy.

As David and I grew closer we opened up about personal aspirations we’d like to tackle down the road. So much youthful optimism poured out about where we would like to live, how we would raise our children, and possible venues of ministry.

Acting and theater have always been a love of mine, fueled by observing Carol Burnett, Dick Van Dyke, Jimmy Stewart, and many more actors from classic movies. Saturday night baths were timed so I would be done by the time The Carol Burnett Show was on at 9:00 p.m. She could do anything. Be anyone. And she made it look so easy! I began to imitate her characters when I was 9 or 10 and secretly hoped to sometime perform on stage.

I tried out for plays in Junior High and High School, sometimes making the cast, sometimes not. I loved the chance to develop a character and present her for the audience to see. I was good at what I did, but there came a time when I had to make a promise to myself about the material I would and wouldn’t do, narrowing my options quickly.

We talked about having a traveling ministry where we would sing and use drama and he would preach. I hadn’t realized it at the time that my love for performance was more like a passion. Passions have a way of dominating vision and controlling decisions so as to feed itself. The classic movie line of “Follow your heart” is diametrically opposed to the call of Christ where He urges us to die to ourselves and live for Him.

I’m not saying that we aren’t to use the God-given gifts and talents He so generously bestows. It would be foolish to hide them away and deny their beauty and power. But we should never think of them as ours alone. Those giftings are simply another way in which to glorify our Father in Heaven. We get to partake in the process and enjoy the overflow. It is fully up to Him to increase the gift or put it on hold. All this is for our good and for His glory.

Not long after we were married an opportunity came for me to get involved with a Christian drama troupe. I was so excited! They traveled to churches and other venues to perform Christian-themed skits and plays. This was perfect for me to hone my drama skills.

When David and I talked about the ramifications of this drama company I sensed hesitation in David’s okay for me to get involved. He wanted to see me grow and use my gifts. BUT…… this would require time away from our newly established home. He was just beginning seminary training while he worked a full-time job. He could see the pull that my passion for acting might very well cause a rift, if not an actual breach, in our union. What then? Should passions have the last word, or should God?  Being godly precludes doing godly things.

Although it took years for me to understand what David meant by this, the thing that sealed my decision not to join was his anguished statement, “I don’t want to lose you!” He was pleading for our marriage.

I got it. Sometimes God’s good and best for us is the hardest thing to do at the time. But the rewards are worth the sacrifice. I could not sacrifice my marriage for moments on the stage far away from home and my love. I could relinquish a momentary decision that would have permanent consequences.

I asked God to heal the sore spot that comes from denying the flesh. I asked Him to help me to focus on building a life with David and to leave the details in His hands. That’s where they belong in the first place.
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I asked the Lord to help me remember that the greatest audience I will ever have is Him. My audience of One.
 
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Who are the people in your life? Family is that first influential social group we are connected with. Behaviors and ideologies are formed, sometimes based on tendencies linked to generations previous.

Marriage joins two individuals from different upbringings and melds them together into a new family unit with unique characteristics based in their families of origin. Soon, the married couple finds out that although love will keep them together, it will take a determined dedication to work out the kinks that form from the blending.

David and I had enjoyed many conversations sharing thoughts on Christianity and religion, opinions on family life and politics, and dreams of what we’d hope the future might look like. David easily verbalized his side. He had grown up in a family of talkers who shared their views confidently and at times rowdily. David has three brothers and, in my opinion, is the most deferential in his approach. His voice would be the most diplomatic of the bunch. That’s one of the characteristics I first noticed about him. I was grateful for it.

I, on the other hand, had grown up in a family of hiders. My dad, the ‘rageaholic’, would go off on a vulgar rant, or worse, vent his anger on my oldest brother, and the rest of us usually would go to our rooms and wait for the storm to blow over. If you wait long enough you don’t have to communicate about the episode. Resolution was done in silence. The less said, the better.

Can you guess what happened when David and I had our first real disagreement? I can’t recall the details only that he eloquently defended his side of the argument and I stormed off to the bedroom to wait it out. He followed me down the hall, chattering all the way. At the threshold I paused and turned to face him. “I know you want to take care of this now, but I am not ready to talk. I don’t want to say something I will regret later. Let me have some time to think, okay?”

He agreed, watching the door close. The waiting game was on. For him, it would mean coming to an amicable consensus on the problem at hand. For me, I hoped and prayed that it would disappear if I gave it enough time.

Cue the Jeopardy theme song, “THINK!”

My genius plan was working until I opened the door and peeked out. Rats! He was sitting on the floor right outside our bedroom! “Are you ready to talk yet?”

“No!”

“How much longer?”

“Not sure.”

“Fine. I’ll be here when you’re ready. I love you.”

Double rats! I couldn’t do this any longer. It was time for me to find my words.

I prayed that God would show me what it was that I needed to say.

Why was I angry?

What was my point?

Verbal debate was not in my skill set. Oh, I had my opinions about things but not the voice so they would be heard.

This was a facet of sanctification that marriage would develop in me with, the help of my hubby. I, in turn, would help him in understanding that sometimes it really is beneficial to wait before one speaks.
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Just not forever.

 
Ecclesiates 3:7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Ps 139:23-24  Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

I had changed from the first day I met David until now. I certainly hope so! But what I mean is that before David, I knew that I needed to deal with sarcasm in my responses, selfishness, and angry outbursts, just to name a few. I chose to postpone my response to God’s call of sanctification. Old habits die hard and when you’re living in an environment that fosters these bad things it takes a work of God to motivate, aka: kick in the pants, a real change.
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My wake-up call came when I met David. I had to put away childish things and open the door for the Lord to regenerate my unruly and detrimental natural responses. Case in point: admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness.
 
As a newly engaged couple, David and I were making every effort to live out a Christ-like example in our relationship. David was much better at it than I. I was trying, though.
 
We enjoyed each other’s company, rarely disagreeing. I made every effort to be amenable and pleasing, but on one occasion I did something that hurt him. I knew I would have to apologize. Swallowing my pride and summoning every ounce of humility, I said, “I’m sorry.” 
 
He said, “Thank you. I forgive you. I love you.”
 
It shames me to say that this response didn’t sit well with me. In fact, indignation simmered in my heart. “YOU forgive ME?! How dare you! Why not just say ‘O.K.?’ and leave it at that?  Now, you made it personal!” Thankfully, none of these words reached my lips!
 
It was a bitter pill to swallow. I had never really been faced with sincere, freely given forgiveness. In my family of origin we were to apologize and the accepted response was, “Okay.” Sorry, but that’s not an honest way to handle offences and forgiveness. But this is what I was used to. Say it and be done with it.
 
Not only did what David say to me validate that what I did WAS sin, but I was faced with the fact that he would exercise his right and privilege as a Christian to extend God’s grace to me.
 
How in the world could that raise my ire? But the flesh doesn’t die easily.  In Romans 5:20 we read “The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.” God’s Grace is so disarming and generous. His Grace can transform a scrappy little sinner into a minister of that same Grace when we die to our own sinful natures and live for Christ. God’s Grace brings life.
 
I was not only learning how to live with this person I loved, for a lifetime. I was learning how God desired to love me to a better place with Him in the process.
 
I have come to understand that forgiveness frees the one who has trespassed and keeps free the one who has been trespassed against.
 
By giving us forgiveness, the Lord has given us a powerful key. Using it as God designed we can bestow freedom. By withholding it, we make captive not only the offender, but ourselves as well.
 
Take some time tonight to pray about your relationships. Have you withheld forgiveness from someone? As God brings a name to mind, ask Him to help you to forgive that person. Make the choice to forgive.