18. Search

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Ps 139:23-24  Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

I had changed from the first day I met David until now. I certainly hope so! But what I mean is that before David, I knew that I needed to deal with sarcasm in my responses, selfishness, and angry outbursts, just to name a few. I chose to postpone my response to God’s call of sanctification. Old habits die hard and when you’re living in an environment that fosters these bad things it takes a work of God to motivate, aka: kick in the pants, a real change.
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My wake-up call came when I met David. I had to put away childish things and open the door for the Lord to regenerate my unruly and detrimental natural responses. Case in point: admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness.
 
As a newly engaged couple, David and I were making every effort to live out a Christ-like example in our relationship. David was much better at it than I. I was trying, though.
 
We enjoyed each other’s company, rarely disagreeing. I made every effort to be amenable and pleasing, but on one occasion I did something that hurt him. I knew I would have to apologize. Swallowing my pride and summoning every ounce of humility, I said, “I’m sorry.” 
 
He said, “Thank you. I forgive you. I love you.”
 
It shames me to say that this response didn’t sit well with me. In fact, indignation simmered in my heart. “YOU forgive ME?! How dare you! Why not just say ‘O.K.?’ and leave it at that?  Now, you made it personal!” Thankfully, none of these words reached my lips!
 
It was a bitter pill to swallow. I had never really been faced with sincere, freely given forgiveness. In my family of origin we were to apologize and the accepted response was, “Okay.” Sorry, but that’s not an honest way to handle offences and forgiveness. But this is what I was used to. Say it and be done with it.
 
Not only did what David say to me validate that what I did WAS sin, but I was faced with the fact that he would exercise his right and privilege as a Christian to extend God’s grace to me.
 
How in the world could that raise my ire? But the flesh doesn’t die easily.  In Romans 5:20 we read “The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.” God’s Grace is so disarming and generous. His Grace can transform a scrappy little sinner into a minister of that same Grace when we die to our own sinful natures and live for Christ. God’s Grace brings life.
 
I was not only learning how to live with this person I loved, for a lifetime. I was learning how God desired to love me to a better place with Him in the process.
 
I have come to understand that forgiveness frees the one who has trespassed and keeps free the one who has been trespassed against.
 
By giving us forgiveness, the Lord has given us a powerful key. Using it as God designed we can bestow freedom. By withholding it, we make captive not only the offender, but ourselves as well.
 
Take some time tonight to pray about your relationships. Have you withheld forgiveness from someone? As God brings a name to mind, ask Him to help you to forgive that person. Make the choice to forgive. 

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