20. Audience

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

********
About those dreams for the future I was talking about…….

Who can say how idealistic dreams may become reality? One can either force them to come true just the way one wants. Or, one can hold them loosely in one’s hands giving God the freedom to have the final say. What comes from HIS hand is always good and for our good, but it’s not always easy.

As David and I grew closer we opened up about personal aspirations we’d like to tackle down the road. So much youthful optimism poured out about where we would like to live, how we would raise our children, and possible venues of ministry.

Acting and theater have always been a love of mine, fueled by observing Carol Burnett, Dick Van Dyke, Jimmy Stewart, and many more actors from classic movies. Saturday night baths were timed so I would be done by the time The Carol Burnett Show was on at 9:00 p.m. She could do anything. Be anyone. And she made it look so easy! I began to imitate her characters when I was 9 or 10 and secretly hoped to sometime perform on stage.

I tried out for plays in Junior High and High School, sometimes making the cast, sometimes not. I loved the chance to develop a character and present her for the audience to see. I was good at what I did, but there came a time when I had to make a promise to myself about the material I would and wouldn’t do, narrowing my options quickly.

We talked about having a traveling ministry where we would sing and use drama and he would preach. I hadn’t realized it at the time that my love for performance was more like a passion. Passions have a way of dominating vision and controlling decisions so as to feed itself. The classic movie line of “Follow your heart” is diametrically opposed to the call of Christ where He urges us to die to ourselves and live for Him.

I’m not saying that we aren’t to use the God-given gifts and talents He so generously bestows. It would be foolish to hide them away and deny their beauty and power. But we should never think of them as ours alone. Those giftings are simply another way in which to glorify our Father in Heaven. We get to partake in the process and enjoy the overflow. It is fully up to Him to increase the gift or put it on hold. All this is for our good and for His glory.

Not long after we were married an opportunity came for me to get involved with a Christian drama troupe. I was so excited! They traveled to churches and other venues to perform Christian-themed skits and plays. This was perfect for me to hone my drama skills.

When David and I talked about the ramifications of this drama company I sensed hesitation in David’s okay for me to get involved. He wanted to see me grow and use my gifts. BUT…… this would require time away from our newly established home. He was just beginning seminary training while he worked a full-time job. He could see the pull that my passion for acting might very well cause a rift, if not an actual breach, in our union. What then? Should passions have the last word, or should God?  Being godly precludes doing godly things.

Although it took years for me to understand what David meant by this, the thing that sealed my decision not to join was his anguished statement, “I don’t want to lose you!” He was pleading for our marriage.

I got it. Sometimes God’s good and best for us is the hardest thing to do at the time. But the rewards are worth the sacrifice. I could not sacrifice my marriage for moments on the stage far away from home and my love. I could relinquish a momentary decision that would have permanent consequences.

I asked God to heal the sore spot that comes from denying the flesh. I asked Him to help me to focus on building a life with David and to leave the details in His hands. That’s where they belong in the first place.
​
I asked the Lord to help me remember that the greatest audience I will ever have is Him. My audience of One.
 
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”

---