My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Silence
Gap
Awkward moment
Suspension
Breather
The button I want to push when I’m overwhelmed and just want to stop the world from spinning out of control………... I’m okay………………... I’m okay…..

Emotions are sneaky little things that ambush you at the most inconvenient times.

I remember my wedding day so clearly. I had anticipated the before and after of my life that would take place on that day. I was in love with the man I had prayed for, happily walking the rest of my life by his side.

So why was it when we went to my parent’s house after our honeymoon to gather up all my worldly possessions and transfer them to my new digs did my stomach clench and I became chocked up and teary eyed?

Mom saw my emotional response before I had a chance to recover. She asked me if I was having second thoughts. UGH! No, Mom, I am NOT having second thoughts. I’m not sure what I’m having, but it most certainly is not second thoughts.

So Lord? What was I dealing with?

I realized as each piece of furniture and box of odd and ends was carried out the door I was watching my childhood come to an end. Not a perfect childhood, but a comfort of knowing that someone was taking care of me. Adulthood was somewhere in the future.

Before my very eyes I transitioned from engaged daughter to married wife. There’s an odd sense of detachment when the heart and the brain have to settle a matter once and for all.Therein lies the pause.

The brain knows it all. The brain deals in facts and reasons.

The heart throws in curve balls and trick plays and rain delays just because it can.

Just to be heard.

Just …. because.

And with a gulp and a smile my heart and brain came to the consensus that this is the way it must be.

Truth and love.

Leaving and cleaving.
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Trusting God for it all.
 
Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.
 
Is there a transition in your life right now that has given you pause? 

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Thirty-six years ago today I said "I do" to my Beloved.

I woke up with a migraine and spent the day pumping Tylenol. David woke up and had a relaxing massage from a chiropractic student at the YMCA.

The plan was to get married at 4:30, but the best man and a groomsman were sightseeing in Chicago and missed their train. Because of that we said our vows a half hour later than planned. But the candles were lit on time. Too bad they didn’t last for the ceremony.

The photographer we had hired had double-booked himself and sent a reliable friend to take pictures.  108 pictures, to be exact.

And though we ran out of food at the reception from the catering company I worked for, we had a blessed time of fellowship with family and friends celebrating our first day as husband and wife.

But before we checked in at the Ambassador East Hotel to begin our honeymoon there was one more important thing we needed to do. We stopped in at the home of some dear friends who couldn’t make it to our wedding, in our full wedding attire. The joyful surprise on their faces when we walked through their front door was worth it. We had been so blessed by their friendship and example in marriage.

This was my first day as Mrs. David Johnson.

Chock full of memories.

Reminders that plans can be made but prayer and a good sense of humor will help you through it.  

Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
 
How has God shown up for you in the midst of plans that have fallen apart?

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Psalm 27:8 When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."

When my past reminds me of what I have to lose, Your Presence protects me in Your purpose.

When I push against my better judgement, You strengthen Your hedge around me.

When my hopes become tangible….

When my prayers for the future are coupled with prayers for contentment today…

When my “When?” turns in to “Now!”

I am at peace.
 
Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
 
What is it in your life you are needing God to change?
Is it a situation?
A relationship?
An attitude?
​The key to victory in Christ is to first surrender to Him. Give way to His will.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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The Bible says that we have not because we ask not.

Why don’t we ask?

When I finally decided to come clean with the ugly thoughts inside me and ask my youth pastor to pray for me back in December, I immediately felt my burden shift. There was another pair of shoulders supporting the invisible weight on my heart. I knew that in my asking Don to pray for me I was gaining a partner who would for a time help to bear my burdens as it says in Galatians 6:2.

The Christian walk is not intended to be traveled in isolation. Each one walks their journey with the Shepherd surrounded by others doing the same.

Ever onward.

Calling out encouragement to those struggling.

Sometimes lending a hand for the difficult steps ahead.

Each individual traversing a path unique to them, but all following the same Leader/Shepherd.

When I saw Don after David had proposed I couldn’t contain the smile and excitement. “Do you remember when I asked you to pray for me before Christmas?”

“I sure do.”

“Well, have I got some news for you! God not only healed me from my resentment but He gave me a boyfriend who just asked me to marry him! Just thought you should know. Thanks for praying for me!”

Don’s grin grew as I told him the story about how I met David. He seemed more than pleased to hear about my story. “Vicki, that’s wonderful! God answered my prayer for you!”

“What do you mean? All I asked for is that God would heal my heart.”

“I know. I just decided to add my own prayer to that. He apparently agreed! When will I meet this fiancée?”

I gave him a big hug and thanked him again. “You’ll see him soon. He HAS to meet the man who prayed for him!”

What burden do you need help with?
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Are you willing to ask for help? 

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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It’s one thing to find your true love and decide to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s quite another to plan the wedding uniting two families via this union.

David’s idea was to get married in the April or May. I interjected a dose of reality and said there was no way we could get married until the fall, maybe October. But, I would have been thrilled to elope and not have to deal with it altogether.

So next came telling our parents that we were engaged. David had never met my father and had only seen my mom a handful of times. I suggested that we plan a dinner when we could present our plans for the future. David seemed to be fine with this and we looked at the best time to arrange it.

David had proposed Monday evening and that Saturday morning he calls me and asks if he could come over to meet my dad. Red flag!

Let me explain that my dad had his own schedule he kept and was for the most part vaguely involved with the family. Polite existence. Saturday was his YMCA time to play volleyball or floor hockey and when it was time to go he was outta’ here.

“This isn’t a good time. He’s getting ready to go to the Y.”

“Oh, I understand. I just wanted to meet him.”

Quiet.

“Vicki?”

“It’s really not a good time.”

“Okay, I understand.”

Oh, Lord. Help us get through this planning time. I just want to be married.

My dad was just gathering his workout stuff when I hear knocking on the front door. Sure enough, David smiles and explains that he was only going to drop by for a minute or so. I give him the I-can’t-believe-you-came-over-here-when-I-said-not-to stare.

Of COURSE I had to introduce him to my dad. Of COURSE we had to sit down and chit chat about the beautiful weather, do you go to the ‘Y’ every Saturday, yes he’s my boyfriend…… you know, typical.

Then David begins to explain that our relationship is beyond just being friends. We want to get married and would like to have their blessing. David asked for my dad’s permission to marry me. I crumpled up inside, dreading what my father’s response would be.

“Well, Whatever Vicki wants to do. We trust her judgement. Wouldn’t mind seeing you more around here. Excuse me, but I have to go.”

And he was gone.

My heart dropped. Like a hot potato.

Conflicting emotions bubbled up vying for my attention. Anger. Frustration. Shame. Worthlessness.

David stayed and talked to my mom a little bit longer and then he and I made plans to get together later because he needed to leave.

He held me tight and said he was sorry things had turned out like that. He honestly couldn’t have anticipated my dad’s emotionless response. It was no surprise to me. Living with a distant father was what I knew.

I also knew that I had chosen a good and godly man who valued me and was in it for the long haul, bad timing and everything.

 Ecclesiastes 8:6 For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man's trouble is heavy upon him.

How has God met you in those less than perfect times of life?

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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God is the one who puts the ‘extra’ in the ordinary. We never know when it’s coming. But when it does…..hoo-boy. It’s time to get your praise on!

It had been just about two months since I mad the acquaintance of this twinkly-eyed man who patiently conversed with me after our Psychology 101 class. 60 days may seem like a short time to know someone, and yet, if God has drawn you together the connection is undeniable. I’ll admit that in my mind was a running dialogue I had with myself to not jump ahead and make plans with a guy who hadn’t invited me to spend the rest of my life with him. That would be silly. I am silly.

What happened in those two months was a sharing of life together. I had come to be a part of his youth ministry, assisting in leading the girls and helping with music. There was one young lady who had some family issues and needed to talk with Vicar Dave (yeah, I didn’t know what it meant either at the beginning) about how to deal with her father and plans for her future.

David was great at counseling the kids but he felt that I would have a unique perspective on this issue. One evening he invited Patty and me to his office for a time to talk and pray. He sat behind his desk and watched while Patty shared her heart and I listened, interjecting my thoughts and observations. After we’d prayed together and said good-bye to Patty, David asked me what I thought the next step should be.

I paused for a bit, opened my mouth to answer, when he blurted out, “Will you be my wife?”

Hello? What was that? Someone had switched the script and forgotten to give me the memo.

I blinked and stared at this hunky Lutheran boy. “What did you say?”

“Uh…YES!” was my exuberantly befuddled reply.

A wry smile grew on that cute face. “You hesitated. Maybe you’re not sure.”

I faced him nose to nose and challenged back with, “You interrupted me when I was trying to answer YOUR question. Check your watch and try it again!” Response time was .01 seconds.

Silently praising God for this answer to my fervent prayer, I asked why he had chosen that particular moment to propose.

He confessed that he had wanted to propose for a while but knew that would mean asking me to partner with him in ministry. He had seen firsthand how challenging the life of a pastor’s wife can be as he witnessed his mother dealing with people and church issues. David needed to see a genuine love for people and their messiness in me before he would take the chance on a formal invitation for life in the ministry fish bowl.

We were both waiting on God to show us the next step.

In the waiting you’re challenged to dwell where you are, cultivate faithfulness, and praise the Lord while He prepares the future.

Are you waiting on God for the next step?

How are you living abundantly right where you are in the mean time?

How are you reaping a bounty of faithfulness in your relationship with Him?
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Psalm 71:14 But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.

​My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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We are constantly being transformed by the relationships we make in life. Sometimes with enriching and beneficial results. Sometimes with devastating and harmful conclusions. Often it is because we open our heart’s door at the wrong time or to the wrong people when we get in over our heads and need God’s help to get out.

Once the door has been opened you change what’s inside forever.

Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Godly peace is the hallmark of a life surrendered to Christ and it is that peace that stands watch over your heart.

Access to my heart isn’t something I give to just anybody.  I guard it carefully.

In this time of waiting for the next step I had to make sure that my emotions didn’t fling wide my heart’s door and push me across a threshold that God hadn’t intended.

In the waiting, God draws me to Himself and access to the door of His heart.

There I hear His quiet voice.

There I find peace and purpose.

In His care I surrender what keeps my heart from totally belonging to Him.
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2 Peter 1:2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord;

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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By what means….
By what method….
In what manner….
Just how….
Exactly how….
                                                …. will he propose?

Hopes held high.

Reality kept them grounded.

We had a great relationship going. Mutual attraction. Deep conversation. Common interests.

But I could not assume I knew the outcome of this scenario. David had a great poker face, giving me no clue what was going on under the surface. Even to the point when I mentioned that I was praying through possibly working at a mission organization, which was mostly true. I was praying. And I wanted to hear his response. Here’s hoping for an impassioned plea for me to stay and become his wife. Yep, that’d do it, alright!

But my ever constant even-keeled guy responded the godly way and said that he would pray along with me and hoped that God would make it clear for me what to do. Swell….

I had heard somewhere that it’s better to release the good to God so He can give the best in return. Was David mine to cling to at this point? Was I afraid to give him up to another outcome?

If I truly trusted God to give me His best I would have to loosen my hold and not force a false bond with someone who was not God’s best for me.

With much foreboding I turned over my claim to a marriage proposal and plans for the future. I would cling to God and thank Him for this friendship that has strengthened my walk with Him.

 
Ps 37:3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
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How has God proven His trustworthiness to you?
How have those times strengthened your faith?

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.
 
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In a rare move on the part of Hollywood a movie was made in 1981 that inspired me in my walk with the Lord. Chariots of Fire, a movie centered on the 1924 Paris Olympics, focused on two of the participants from the Great Britain team in particular, Harold Abrams and Eric Liddell. One would eventually become an elder statesman of Great Britain, the other would minister in China at the sacrifice of his own life. With a compelling story line, fantastic acting, and a groundbreaking musical score I was thoroughly captivated.

Heroes who have to fight for their achievements are always a good box office draw. My heart was smitten by the character of Eric Liddell who walked through doors of opportunity knowing that at every turn it would be his privilege to represent Jesus in each situation. His excellent, albeit, awkward running skill had put him securely on the team. But when he found that running the qualifying heat would be done on a Sunday he knew that open door was not one he could pass through, thus forfeiting  his most likely win in that race. But he wasn’t there to win at all costs. He was there for a higher prize of pleasing his Savior. When he ran, so he said, he could feel God’s pleasure. To forfeit THAT would be impossible in his mind.

I watched Chariots of Fire when it was first released, alone. Which was good for me. It gave me time to think about Eric and his testimony and what I might have done in that situation. Considering how I will respond to a situation as a Christian beforehand is much better that reacting in a situation, fumbling with my whys and why nots.

When I saw that a second release for this movie was in a nearby theater I asked David if he wanted to see it again and found out that he hadn’t seen it the first go round. I was so excited for him to take in this movie because I had come to see him very much like Eric Liddell. He was personable and congenial whenever I saw him but when we got to talking about things he knew what he believed and why. I really admired him for that.

We held hands while we took it all in. The last race we see Eric run was one he had never trained for. He should have failed. But he ran it simply for the pleasure of his Lord. By the time the end credits were rolling, my hand had been crushed from the intensity of David’s reaction to the story on screen.

“I want to live like that,” he whispered.
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“You already do,” I responded.
 
Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.
 
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Never let a statistic rule your life. I read in an American Girl magazine that @ 75 percent of girls will marry men like their dads. Whoa! Hold on there. I refuse to become a statistic. My dad was what I would call a rageaholic. He was an angry man. At that point in my life I had no understanding of why he was like this, but I hated it, and to be honest, I hated him.

He was a great pretender. Mr. Congeniality at church and other venues, but a volatile, swearing-up-a-blue-streak, mean son of a gun at home. Don’t EVER get daddy mad. I’m thankful that he had never physically hurt me, but I witnessed his brutality on my oldest brother. From a very young age I held a deep hatred for what my father brought into our family. I most definitely would NOT marry anyone close to resembling the image of my father.

And God saw to it that I could catch glimpses of what a godly dad should look like all throughout my childhood. Kids think that what happens at home is normal. But they know that bad things are wrong. So when you get to go to a friend’s house for a sleep over and see your friend’s dad laughing and conversing with the family, you lean in. Is this real? What happens if somebody makes a mess? Will he explode? I found that there really are men who can handle messes and noise and family craziness with a poise and peace that only comes from the Holy Spirit.

This gave me hope.

I observed David to verify if what I heard in his talk matched his walk. It did. This was a very important box to check on my list of Future Husband Qualities. If I can trust my man to be the same person at home as he is in public, my heart can be at rest with him.
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What a comfort to live without pretense - not perfectly, but openly honest regarding each other. This gives room for God’s Grace so that both sinners can grow in their relationship with each other and Christ.
 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, 17 comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word.