7. Hope

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

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Could it be? Was there hope for me? Praying for some godly guy to share my life with had suddenly become praying for THIS guy I was getting to know, day by day.

It was only just a couple of months before, around Christmas, when my youth pastor had asked me in passing one Sunday morning, “Hi! How are you doing?’

“Not good.” I decided to actually answer the question honestly, for once.

To his credit, he stopped after taking a few steps, turned and came back to where I was. “What was that?”

I repeated my response wondering how he would handle this break from traditional protocol. You know, the accepted answer should ALWAYS be, “I’m fine. How are you?” I knew him to be wise and he didn’t disappoint me. He really did want to know what was going on with me, but it wasn’t the right time just then. I said that I would write down what had been unsettling my spirit.

As I sat down to put into words the emotions messing with my heart, I knew I had to be honest. What was bugging me? Digging down below surface answers I discovered a resentment that I held against God. I was angry at Him for not providing a boyfriend for me. I was ready. Everyone else was in a relationship but me. I was the sister they had always wanted. Yay.

Echoes of Eve had been simmering in my gut for a while. God, you’ve been withholding things from me. How can I trust what you say? I’m gonna do my own thing…. NO. I will not go there.

I wanted freedom from this burden of resentment. This was my prayer request: to be released from resentment so I could walk closer to God. My future belonged to Him.
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So, when I entered that Psychology classroom on day 1, I was at peace with God and not striving for MY way.
 
Ps 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.


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