31. Close

My 31 Free Writes for October play out like a serial love story in an old time magazine. It’s the saga of a young woman and how God leads her to the love of her life. Each day offers new developments in a romance only the Lord could write.

********

How could I have known 36 years ago that by enrolling in a secular psychology course I would find the love of my life? But that was only the beginning of what God desired to show me about His grand love for me and His constant call for me to draw closer to Him.

David and I formed a close bond in a short amount of time mainly because we were both ready to invest in mining the treasure in each other, as long as it would take. Conversation flowed freely from the very first. Honest approaches to ideas and questions built our relationship that had its foundation on Jesus Christ. Common interests and goals drew us together in spite of any differences we may have had. 

But there was always a nagging thought in the back of my mind. I felt like I wasn’t being honest with him. I had a secret that if he knew what I was really like, he’d dump me in a heartbeat.

It happened in the summer of my sixth grade when I participated in a summer school symposium for a youth orchestra. One year of violin lessons gave me a seat in this opportunity to experience what the Junior High orchestra would be like. Anxiously I entered the unfamiliar building, lost as to my next turn.

I met a helpful woman near the school offices who gave me directions to the meeting hall and then saw that the conductor had just walked in. She asked him if he could help me find the correct room. His response seared into my soul. “Sure, I can help this young man to get where he needs to go.” I stood still, not believing that he was referring to me.

The secretary quickly interjected, “Yes, Mr. Young. This young lady would appreciate any help you can give. Thank you.”

The old gentleman absently responded, ”Yes, I’ll be glad to help him get to the right place.” Mortified, I silently followed him to the room where I would spend my last days playing violin.

I had been a tomboy through elementary school, though I still liked to dress up for church and special occasions. Puberty disrupted my sense of "normal" with all its awkwardness and angst.

I had strawberry blonde hair in a pixie cut with blonde eyebrows and eyelashes which made my natural appearance non-specific. I sort of understood the old guy’s confusion, but his twice-made mistake reinforced in me the necessity to start dabbling in the cosmetic arts so this wouldn’t happen again. I was a girl and I liked it that way.

Once I used mascara, I never went back. The simple application of it dramatically changed my appearance, and I would not be without it again. I was more confident. I felt happier about how I looked. Going from nondescript to noticed was nice.

As I grew closer to David I wondered what he would think of me, sans the mascara. I could do without the other stuff, but my secret power was in that little tube of black goo.

What would David think of me?

Would he see me as a liar for hiding behind this cosmetic mask?

Could he say he loved me if I wasn’t attractive?

Of all the questions and requirements I had on my “Potential Hubby Must-haves List,” these shadowed my hopes. True to form, David answered my fear with love unconditional. Sure, mascara brought out my eyes, but he thought I was beautiful regardless. Thankfully, he has never changed his answer over the years.

In our couple’s retreats we have tried to help husbands and wives understand that God’s design for marriage from the beginning was to “share a love in the manner that God designed, and the resulting oneness from that love, is to experience an openness and unity that equals none other. Genesis 2:25 “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”  In that first moment, and the days to follow, there is no shame (or should be none) for all has been left open and bear before the one you love. No fears, no secrets, no apprehensions.” [Allowing God to Write Your Love Story couple’s retreat, Pastor David and Vicki Johnson]

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that you would know this unashamed, totally devoted love from our Creator God, first and foremost. If you are married, may you allow the Lord to lead you both to a place of trust with each other. If you are single, I pray that you would set your heart on the immeasurable love God has for you and find your delight in Him.
​
Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.